Laws of Motion by suilven

Scully could hear the echoes of her high school physics teacher in her head: An object in motion tends to stay in motion unless acted on by an external force. She could relate. Her life was moving in an endless circular orbit around Mulder, made so much worse by the loss of the X-Files and the presence of Diana. Something needed to change, and she knew that it had to be her.

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The X-Files Fanfic Exchange asked: "What’s a scene from a story that you’ve read that vividly stuck with you? Not just the synopsis of the story, but describe the moment that really left an impression on you."

It's this sceace “But you are using me. And I’m using you. Sometimes we need something that we can only get from another human being and it’s okay to want that.”

I wish I could put into words how much I loved this story. But this seems to be one of those rare cases I’m actually speechless. So I‘ll just put in some quotes and hope it expresses how much this story touched me.

I really liked how suilven captured that aura that Stella emanates. She has such a presence. And I loved how true to character Stella remained throughout the story. She‘s not changed all of a sudden, she remains true to character:

She stood out, not in a garish way, but in the way she held herself, her poise, her confidence that wasn’t arrogance. She seemed like one of those rare people that was completely comfortable in her own skin, unlike Scully, who often felt like she was a writhing mass of anxiety hiding behind a mask. If Stella felt the same way inside, she was a true master at hiding it.

“And I don’t do permanent. Ever.” Stella’s voice was heartbreakingly gentle. “Not even for you. I can’t be what you want, Dana.”

Suilven is taking Scully on a journey—and the reader right along with her. Scully is so caught up in her restrictions, so trapped in her head, it’s good to see her finding herself again in all that perfection—right to its conclusion. Brilliant!

she was surprised by how good she felt. Not simply good. Happy.

Stella had seated herself in one of the chairs, her glass of champagne balanced in one hand. “It doesn’t matter what I think. What matters is how it makes you feel.” [...] Stella shook her head. “Don’t choose something that you think someone else will find sexy or attractive. Choose what makes you feel beautiful, and you already know that this isn’t it.

“Do you deny yourself pleasure as a means of control or because you feel you don’t deserve it?” Scully nearly dropped the tea pot, the spout making her cup rattle against its matching saucer before she steadied her hand. A flash of anger flared in her chest

Scully took a sip, still trying to come up with something that she thought Stella might want to know. “Stop thinking. There is no wrong answer. I’m not going to think less of you.”

it felt like the safest choice, but was it really? She thought back to how she had felt on the flight to London, that lingering sense of moroseness, that her life was stagnating and that she was just letting it happen. That wasn’t her. She was focused, determined… a fighter. Did she want to sit passively and wait for things to change, or did she want to change them herself? Even if the outcome was bad, it would give her the momentum she needed to move in a new direction.

The setting of the story is its own character. Reading the details of walking through the streets of London or Edinburgh seems so real and tangible as if the reader is walking right alongside Stella and Scully:

It would be strange to have grown up here, to take it for granted that they were walking through a city with layers upon layers of historical significance everywhere you looked — rulers, poets, artists, scientists... How many feet over thousands of years had walked over the same ground that she was walking on right this moment? [...] Scully couldn’t help marvelling at the details — rearing stags and thistles — that had been carved into the door frame. And, it seemed like every store, every building, they were all like this.

This story has layers upon layers. After finishing reading it I wanted to start right over. I love how much truth is in what Scully and Stella learn from each other and about themselves:

“But you are using me. And I’m using you. Sometimes we need something that we can only get from another human being and it’s okay to want that.”

She was tired of missed chances at happiness. She was taking the goddamn marshmallow this time.

It’s not often that Mulder isn’t painted as the bad guy, a thoughtless, cruel person without any regard to Scully‘s feelings when it comes to Diana. In this story Mulder is driven but not cruel. He’s focused on his feelings but not to the point of deliberately disregarding Scully:

She worked her way through the scattered crowds of people towards the ground transportation doors, when there was a sudden tug on her arm. She turned in confusion to see Mulder and her eyes widened in surprise. He had remembered.

It wasn’t that I didn’t believe you, Scully. It was that I didn’t want to believe you. I’m sorry. I never doubted you. I felt like an idiot and it was like she had betrayed me all over again and I took it out on you. You didn’t deserve that.”

And finally Mulder and Scully talk. And they are honest, they‘re not sugarcoating the truth. That seems like the way they would really talk to each other—if we would ever get the chance to listen in on such a conversation. In the cases that we do hear them talk they are honest and caring (like Scully when Mulder‘s mother dies or when Mulder asks Scully to tell him the truth during the cancer arc). They’re exactly talking like that in this story. And I loved how true to character that felt. I could hear them saying those words in my head:

“You don’t get it. She embodies them. I can project those attributes, but I feel like I’m just an imposter, hoping that if I pretend hard enough it’ll actually be true. Why do you think I always worried that you just saw me as a stand in for your sister, as the geeky lab partner you kept around because I’d do the grunt work and leave you free to chase off wherever your whims might take you, knowing full well that I’d file the expense reports and whatever else needed doing to keep Skinner happy.” “Is that really what you thought?” “Sometimes, yeah, it was. How was I supposed to compete with someone like Diana? Tall, beautiful, a believer in the paranormal and supernatural, and you had already been intimately involved with her, so clearly she did it for you. And, you clearly had no reservations about the fact that she was your partner.“

It wasn’t a meaningless physical thing, but I knew, right from the beginning, that it wasn’t — couldn’t be — anything more than it was. It was what I needed to force myself to question what it was that I wanted, and there was an emotional connection.” She swallowed tightly. “I’m sorry if that doesn’t make sense and if it hurts you. I think… I think I could have fallen in love with her, under different circumstances or at a different time in my life.” Reaching for his hand, she twined her fingers with his and then raised their joined hands to her lips, kissing the back of his hand softly. “But I made a choice. And that choice was you. It’s been you for a long time.

If you couldn't tell from quoting half the fic, I loved that story!

archiveofourown.org/works/16831069