xxSKSxx

Beginning with the events of "The End" and ending sometime after "The Sixth Extinction: Amor Fati," and told in a series of between-the-scene vignettes, this is my re-imagining of Season Six. Amid the re-emergence of Diana Fowley and the loss of the X-Files, Scully tries, with Mulder's help, to turn the impossible into reality. I'm in the mood for pain today — no idea why. So I decided to reread my favourite Diana!angst fics. archiveofourown.org/works/11290818

Scully could hear the echoes of her high school physics teacher in her head: An object in motion tends to stay in motion unless acted on by an external force. She could relate. Her life was moving in an endless circular orbit around Mulder, made so much worse by the loss of the X-Files and the presence of Diana. Something needed to change, and she knew that it had to be her. The X-Files Fanfic Exchange asked: "What’s a scene from a story that you’ve read that vividly stuck with you? Not just the synopsis of the story, but describe the moment that really left an impression on you." It's this sceace “But you are using me. And I’m using you. Sometimes we need something that we can only get from another human being and it’s okay to want that.” I wish I could put into words how much I loved this story. But this seems to be one of those rare cases I’m actually speechless. So I‘ll just put in some quotes and hope it expresses how much this story touched me. I really liked how suilven captured that aura that Stella emanates. She has such a presence. And I loved how true to character Stella remained throughout the story. She‘s not changed all of a sudden, she remains true to character: She stood out, not in a garish way, but in the way she held herself, her poise, her confidence that wasn’t arrogance. She seemed like one of those rare people that was completely comfortable in her own skin, unlike Scully, who often felt like she was a writhing mass of anxiety hiding behind a mask. If Stella felt the same way inside, she was a true master at hiding it. “And I don’t do permanent. Ever.” Stella’s voice was heartbreakingly gentle. “Not even for you. I can’t be what you want, Dana.” Suilven is taking Scully on a journey—and the reader right along with her. Scully is so caught up in her restrictions, so trapped in her head, it’s good to see her finding herself again in all that perfection—right to its conclusion. Brilliant! she was surprised by how good she felt. Not simply good. Happy. Stella had seated herself in one of the chairs, her glass of champagne balanced in one hand. “It doesn’t matter what I think. What matters is how it makes you feel.” [...] Stella shook her head. “Don’t choose something that you think someone else will find sexy or attractive. Choose what makes you feel beautiful, and you already know that this isn’t it. “Do you deny yourself pleasure as a means of control or because you feel you don’t deserve it?” Scully nearly dropped the tea pot, the spout making her cup rattle against its matching saucer before she steadied her hand. A flash of anger flared in her chest Scully took a sip, still trying to come up with something that she thought Stella might want to know. “Stop thinking. There is no wrong answer. I’m not going to think less of you.” it felt like the safest choice, but was it really? She thought back to how she had felt on the flight to London, that lingering sense of moroseness, that her life was stagnating and that she was just letting it happen. That wasn’t her. She was focused, determined… a fighter. Did she want to sit passively and wait for things to change, or did she want to change them herself? Even if the outcome was bad, it would give her the momentum she needed to move in a new direction. The setting of the story is its own character. Reading the details of walking through the streets of London or Edinburgh seems so real and tangible as if the reader is walking right alongside Stella and Scully: It would be strange to have grown up here, to take it for granted that they were walking through a city with layers upon layers of historical significance everywhere you looked — rulers, poets, artists, scientists... How many feet over thousands of years had walked over the same ground that she was walking on right this moment? [...] Scully couldn’t help marvelling at the details — rearing stags and thistles — that had been carved into the door frame. And, it seemed like every store, every building, they were all like this. This story has layers upon layers. After finishing reading it I wanted to start right over. I love how much truth is in what Scully and Stella learn from each other and about themselves: “But you are using me. And I’m using you. Sometimes we need something that we can only get from another human being and it’s okay to want that.” She was tired of missed chances at happiness. She was taking the goddamn marshmallow this time. It’s not often that Mulder isn’t painted as the bad guy, a thoughtless, cruel person without any regard to Scully‘s feelings when it comes to Diana. In this story Mulder is driven but not cruel. He’s focused on his feelings but not to the point of deliberately disregarding Scully: She worked her way through the scattered crowds of people towards the ground transportation doors, when there was a sudden tug on her arm. She turned in confusion to see Mulder and her eyes widened in surprise. He had remembered. It wasn’t that I didn’t believe you, Scully. It was that I didn’t want to believe you. I’m sorry. I never doubted you. I felt like an idiot and it was like she had betrayed me all over again and I took it out on you. You didn’t deserve that.” And finally Mulder and Scully talk. And they are honest, they‘re not sugarcoating the truth. That seems like the way they would really talk to each other—if we would ever get the chance to listen in on such a conversation. In the cases that we do hear them talk they are honest and caring (like Scully when Mulder‘s mother dies or when Mulder asks Scully to tell him the truth during the cancer arc). They’re exactly talking like that in this story. And I loved how true to character that felt. I could hear them saying those words in my head: “You don’t get it. She embodies them. I can project those attributes, but I feel like I’m just an imposter, hoping that if I pretend hard enough it’ll actually be true. Why do you think I always worried that you just saw me as a stand in for your sister, as the geeky lab partner you kept around because I’d do the grunt work and leave you free to chase off wherever your whims might take you, knowing full well that I’d file the expense reports and whatever else needed doing to keep Skinner happy.” “Is that really what you thought?” “Sometimes, yeah, it was. How was I supposed to compete with someone like Diana? Tall, beautiful, a believer in the paranormal and supernatural, and you had already been intimately involved with her, so clearly she did it for you. And, you clearly had no reservations about the fact that she was your partner.“ It wasn’t a meaningless physical thing, but I knew, right from the beginning, that it wasn’t — couldn’t be — anything more than it was. It was what I needed to force myself to question what it was that I wanted, and there was an emotional connection.” She swallowed tightly. “I’m sorry if that doesn’t make sense and if it hurts you. I think… I think I could have fallen in love with her, under different circumstances or at a different time in my life.” Reaching for his hand, she twined her fingers with his and then raised their joined hands to her lips, kissing the back of his hand softly. “But I made a choice. And that choice was you. It’s been you for a long time. If you couldn't tell from quoting half the fic, I loved that story! archiveofourown.org/works/16831069

The choices Scully makes in En Ami cause some unintended consequences for herself and her relationship with Mulder. If you haven't read “Momentum” by dreamngofscully already, you might want to check it out. This between-the-scenes fic takes the reader on a wonderful and angsty ride from En Ami to all things. What a wonderful story. I liked how dreamingofscully implemented the aftermath of "En Ami“ into a journey of self-discovery. "All Things“ isn‘t just a journey on its own in their story but the result. I loved how they combined the transformation on different levels—from the immediate anger after "En Ami“ to the bigger rift after "Fight the Future“ to the overall conflict of Scully’s being afraid to believe of the whole show. Scully’s perception of what their distance does to her as the starting point to change: The fact that she’s relieved to be away from him causes her mood to sink even further. When has it ever been the case that she’s been more happy away from him rather than the opposite?  Addressing how good it feels to be seen, to be acknowledged, to not have to fight for what she needs and wants. Something that bothered her as far back as "Never Again“: It’s exhilarating to be regarded with affection after being starved of it for so long. It seems like so long since someone’s been concerned with what she wants, even herself. The words take her by surprise. How taxing it feels when the core of what you believe in is shaken. And how easy it is to have someone who just agrees and doesn’t question or challenge her. Not unlike how Mulder might have felt after "Fight the Future“ when Scully couldn’t accept what she had seen and experienced and Diana Fowley just went along with everything he said: The idea that science doesn’t hold all the answers makes her feel small and inadequate. Leaving that behind for the comfort of medicine and Daniel’s love was very appealing. And finally when Scully reaches an understanding of herself and is willing to leave her comfort zone, to take a leap of faith—and it pays off. Her journey brought her to a deeper understanding of herself and her believes: It felt so natural to utilize something so separate from her beloved science. She just let go and put her trust in the unknown, her instincts screaming at her that it was the right thing to do before her brain could catch up. She’ll never believe everything she sees or hears without careful consideration or evidence, but she owes it to herself, to Mulder, to stop letting science blind her. This fic was a wonderful journey. I loved it! archiveofourown.org/works/23757892

After a gruelling case, Mulder invites Scully to join him for a nice walk in the forest. Some downtime in nature, together. Scully discovers Mulder has another reason for being there; something all too familiar. As they go deeper into the woods, they delve deeper into some of the bigger questions of the unknown. When an incident and a snowstorm leaves one of them in a life-threatening situation, they are both forced to confront their feelings for one another. If you're in the mood for a wonderful hurt/comfort fic including Sasquatch hunting and some angst then this is the fic for you. archiveofourown.org/works/29674221

This was originally just a single drabble that was written for a "Change something that is canon" challenge on Tumblr. I couldn't leave it where it was, so I finished the story and renamed it. I'm in the mood for pain today — no idea why. So I decided to reread my favourite Diana!angst fics. This fic ripped my heart out. Slowly. Piece by piece. Such a great fic and so well written which makes the pain even worse. And here I am with my “here be monsters” sign so I feel bad about being so triggered by it. I just can't deal with “I can't be mad at injustice because it was no one’s fault”. Reading Tsunami HURT—in a good, angsty way. archiveofourown.org/works/14328663

Mulder and Scully are doctors in the late 1950s who undertake a years-long study about human sexuality, and as part of the research, they also have sex with each other - you know, for the science. (An X-Files story in the Masters of Sex universe). Sometimes a story just grabs you and doesn't let you go. That's how I feel with this wonderful fic. Do yourself a favour and read this. This story is truly amazing! Every time they posted a new chapter I dropped everything right away. They literally had me on the edge of my seat. They did a brilliant job with this! archiveofourown.org/works/30739211

What if the flashbacks in Per Manum happened during season 5? What happened between then and Requiem? I'm in the mood for pain today — no idea why. So I decided to reread my favourite Diana!angst fics. archiveofourown.org/works/9510656

Mulder and Scully had finally found their stride again. Their equilibrium. Their simpatico. It was too good to be true for these two. For some reason, they could never be too happy for too long. Cue a ghost from Mulder's past to come in and fuck that shit up. This story weaves from Season 5, Episode 20, The End, across Fight the Future and then Season 6 from episode 1, The Beginning through to Episode 18, Milagro. I'm in the mood for pain today — no idea why. So I decided to reread my favourite Diana!angst fics. Really great story, I like the way Sarie_fairy writes them. My favourite paragraph was: “Up until this point, Mulder seems like a single-minded arse. Let’s find some balance to this star-crossed story.“ I like that sarie_fairy put some balance in and didn‘t have it painted in black and white. It made them real and three dimensional. Their non-communication drives me up the wall most of the time but it’s on both of them. And that was captured beautifully in this story. archiveofourown.org/works/23848822

A road trip with Mulder and Scully; a trip inside their heads and hearts. While on assignment to A.D. Kersh on a seemingly innocuous case in Nebraska, Mulder and Scully reflect on their relationship and its progress. Slots into the US6 timeline post-Tithonus, and assumes a general level of knowledge of all preceding action and, unlike what we saw onscreen, there is sufficient time for Scully to have healed between cases. I'm in the mood for pain today — no idea why. So I decided to reread my favourite Diana!angst fics. Anjou writes them in such a wonderful, tender way. I love their introspection. The angst in these stories keeps me hooked until the end, wanting more. What a wonderful story! This is part of a series: Speechless, Perfect, Angel and Respite. Unfortunately, the final part “Justice“ was never completed. archiveofourown.org/works/414820

Mulder and Scully investigate a connection between urban legends and dead students in a university in Arizona. Anyone in the mood for a really intriguing case file, great Mulder/Scully banter and sweet MSR vibes check out this fic! I'm so hooked! I love how Skinfull writes their banter. It's spot on—and makes me smile every time. And the urban legends are really intriguing! I actually got goosebumps when Scully told that babysitter story! archiveofourown.org/works/33521401